Fifth Year Girls Dorm

"Hey Serenity, how are you,"

"Rachel! How are you? And, what was up last night?"

"Amanda. She's been really pissing me off lately,"

"ME TOO! I told her that Harry has better taste in friends, and that's why he doesn't hang out with her. Or talk to her. She's so IMMATURE!"

"I agree! I mean really, we're fifteen-heck, I had my birthday last April, so I'm SIXTEEN. We're not first years anymore..."

"September birthday makes me sixteen too. She acts like she's five. I just wanna kick her, sometimes. Our lives aren't about sending absurd invitations about checking out a muggle mall, or, or, those stupid BOOKS! I am so SICK of all her anime crap! She needs to get over herself!"

"Really, how is she going to SURVIVE in this world when she is running around doing all that crap!?"

"THE WORLD ISN'T BUTTERFLIES ANYMORE! PEOPLE ARE DYING! GRACE DIED! HER FAMILY DIED! SHE NEEDS TO GET AHOLD OF THE WORLD!"

"I AGREE!! ESPECIALLY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE MINISTRY! I mean, it's bad enough that my dad wants us to leave the COUNTRY,"

"The country? Good idea, though.... It's terrible! The coverups! UMBRIDGE! AND SHE TAKES THE WORLD LIKE IT'S FANTASY!"

"Well, for her it probably IS a fantasy, you know?"

"No, I don't. She should be put in an asylum. A nice padded room."

Robin forced her way in through the door. She looked horrible. "Rachel, I confronted Ryan, and pounced on him like a lioness. Now he never wants to lay eyes on me anymore." She realized they were talking about something absolutely out of topic, so she made her way to her bed.

"Wait-did you actually POUNCE on him!?"

"...Isn't that what you said?!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO TAKE IT LITERALLY!!"

"ROBINNNN! YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME FOR ADVICE! RACHEL'S A FREAK! No offense, Rach. But you got your guy by STALKING him. Most men want to take the lead."

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"

"Rachel! You could have ruined her! You DID ruin her! Robin, you listen. Take it sweet. Sweet and seductive."

"No, no, it's fine. I mean, anybody would have been scared."

"Robin! Get ahold of yourself. Now, pretend that bedpost is Ryan. Now, talk to him. Bat those eyelashes. Squish the girls together, make them look bigger!"

"S-Serenity!" Robin gasped.

"Come on now, you'll get nowhere without some exaggeration! Make yourself desirable! Be interesting! FOR GOD'S SAKE, CAN WE CUT THAT HAIR?!"

"HEY!! STALKING IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE! EITHER WAY, I GOT HIM!"

"BECAUSE, THE MAN YOU FOCUSED YOUR ATTENTIONS ON ISN'T EVEN A MAN! HE'S A BOY! NON-MANLY! HE NEEDS A MORE DOMINANT WOMAN LIKE YOU! ROBIN IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CASE AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU GIVING HER INSANE ADVICE!" Serenity turned back to Robin. "Now, how about a push up bra? And some decent makeup. You look like a cheap whore, darling."